Free Love Languages Test

A love languages test is a short questionnaire that helps you notice how you most like to receive care in a relationship. The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. This free test takes about three minutes, needs no email, and is a conversation starter, not a diagnosis.

Last reviewed 26 October 2026 by Hamish Webb, counsellor, member of the New Zealand Association of Counsellors (NZAC) and co-founder of Counsellors New Zealand. This test is for personal reflection. It is not a clinical assessment, therapy or relationship advice for your situation.

Pair 1 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone compliments me. I feel loved when someone helps me with tasks.

Pair 2 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone spends time with me. I feel loved when someone gives me a thoughtful gift.

Pair 3 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone hugs or touches me affectionately. I feel loved when someone praises my accomplishments.

Pair 4 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone listens to me attentively. I feel loved when someone surprises me with a small gift.

Pair 5 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone does something kind for me. I feel loved when someone holds my hand or cuddles with me.

Pair 6 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone writes me a heartfelt note or message. I feel loved when someone makes time for me in their schedule.

Pair 7 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone gives me a meaningful present. I feel loved when someone does something for me without being asked.

Pair 8 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone kisses or caresses me. I feel loved when someone tells me how much they appreciate me.

Pair 9 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone spends quality time with me, without distractions. I feel loved when someone gives me a token of their affection.

Pair 10 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone helps me out when I am overwhelmed. I feel loved when someone hugs me tightly.

Pair 11 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone speaks kindly and encouragingly to me. I feel loved when someone takes time to understand my feelings.

Pair 12 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone surprises me with a gift. I feel loved when someone goes out of their way to help me.

Pair 13 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone shows physical affection toward me. I feel loved when someone tells me they are proud of me.

Pair 14 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone is fully present and engaged with me. I feel loved when someone buys me something special.

Pair 15 of 15: choose your preferred option

I feel loved when someone helps me with chores or errands. I feel loved when someone embraces me warmly.

Please choose one statement in each pair before continuing.

What is a love languages test?

A love languages test asks you to choose between pairs of statements, such as feeling loved when someone compliments you or when someone helps you with a task. Your choices are added up to show which ways of receiving care you picked most often.

The idea of love languages comes from author Dr Gary Chapman, whose book The Five Love Languages was first published in 1992. Chapman suggested that people tend to express and receive love in different ways, and that misunderstandings can happen when partners show care in a way the other person does not easily notice.

The Counsellors New Zealand love languages test has 15 pairs of statements. The results show how many times you chose each of the five love languages. They describe your choices on the day you took the test, and they are best used as a prompt for reflection and conversation rather than as a fixed label.

What are the 5 love languages?

The five love languages describe five everyday ways people show and receive care. Most people value several of them, in different amounts at different times.

Love language	What it can look like day to day	An example of asking for it
Words of affirmation	Compliments, encouragement, thanks, a kind message during the day	“It means a lot when you tell me you noticed what I did.”
Quality time	Undistracted time together, listening, sharing an activity	“Could we have half an hour tonight with our phones away?”
Receiving gifts	Small, thoughtful tokens that show someone was thinking of you	“I love it when you bring me something small that reminded you of me.”
Acts of service	Practical help, sharing chores, taking something off someone’s list	“It would really help if you could sort dinner on Thursdays.”
Physical touch	Hugs, holding hands, sitting close, affectionate touch that is welcome	“A hug when I get home helps me feel connected.”

How do I take the love languages test?

1. Choose “Start the test” above. The love languages test has 15 pairs of statements, shown five pairs at a time, and takes about three minutes.
2. For each pair, pick the statement that feels more true for you, even if both appeal. There are no right or wrong answers.
3. Choose “See my results”. Your results appear straight away, listing each love language with how many times you chose it and a bar for comparison.
4. Read the guidance below on what your results can and cannot tell you.
5. If you are in a relationship, your partner can take the test separately on their own device. You do not need a partner to take it, and the test works just as well for thinking about friendships and whānau.

Your answers are used once to work out your results and are not saved, and no name or email is needed. See our privacy policy for how Counsellors New Zealand handles information more generally.

How is giving love different from receiving love?

The way you most like to receive care is not always the way you naturally give it. Someone who feels most cared for through quality time might show their own care through acts of service, such as fixing things or running errands. When two people give care in their own preferred way, each can feel they are trying hard while the other feels something is missing.

The Counsellors New Zealand love languages test focuses on receiving: every statement begins “I feel loved when”. To think about how you give care, these questions can help:

• When someone you care about is having a hard week, what do you usually do first?
• What kind of care do you find easiest to offer, and which feels awkward?
• Has anyone ever missed something you did for them because it was not the kind of care they were looking for?

A counsellor’s view: love languages as ideas for giving

“I find love languages most useful as a source of ideas. They give clients practical ways to show love to their partner, in a form their partner is more likely to notice. For me, the most important principle in Gary Chapman’s book is giving love freely, without expecting anything back.”

Hamish Webb, counsellor and co-founder of Counsellors New Zealand

How do I read my love language results?

Love language results show which statements you chose most often when asked to pick between two. A high score suggests a kind of care that tends to stand out for you. A low score does not mean that kind of care is unimportant to you; the test simply asked you to choose, and some pairs may have felt like close calls.

Most people value more than one love language, and a tie between two or three is common. Preferences can also shift with stress, health, life stage or the relationship you have in mind. If your results do not feel right, trust your own sense of what helps you feel cared for. You could also take the test again thinking about a specific relationship, or simply use the five languages as a list to reflect on rather than a score.

How can I talk about my results with a partner?

Love language results can open a gentle conversation about what helps each of you feel cared for. These prompts are a starting point, not a script, and there is no promised outcome:

1. Share one result that felt true for you, and one that surprised you.
2. Describe a recent moment when you felt cared for, and what made it land.
3. Ask what your partner notices when you show care, and what they might be missing.
4. Agree on one small, specific thing each of you could try this week.
5. Check in after a week about what felt helpful, without keeping score.

If you have different top love languages, that is normal and not a sign of a poor match. Our articles on better communication and communication habits that can harm a relationship have more ideas for these conversations.

How accurate is a love languages test?

A love languages test is not a clinical or scientifically validated tool, and research on the love languages idea is mixed. In a 2024 review in Current Directions in Psychological Science, relationship researchers Emily Impett, Haeyoung Gideon Park and Amy Muise found limited evidence that people have one primary love language, that there are exactly five, or that couples who share a love language have better relationships. They suggested that care in relationships may work more like a balanced diet, where most people benefit from a mix (University of Toronto summary of the review).

Forced-choice questions, like the pairs in this test, can also exaggerate differences, because you have to pick one option even when you value both. That is why the results on this page are best treated as a way to start thinking and talking, not as a measure of your relationship.

When can talking with a counsellor help?

Sometimes the same misunderstandings keep coming back, conversations about needs turn into arguments, or one person feels unseen despite both trying. A counsellor can offer a calm space to explore what is happening, for one person on their own or for partners together. Relationship counselling does not assume who is right; it helps people understand each other’s patterns and needs.

You can find a counsellor who offers relationship or couples counselling, online or in person, or read more about relationship counselling and attachment styles.

Common questions about love languages

What are the 5 love languages?

The five love languages are words of affirmation, quality time, receiving gifts, acts of service and physical touch. They describe five common ways people show and receive care, and most people value more than one.

How do I find out my love language?

You can take the free love languages test on this page, which takes about three minutes. Noticing which moments help you feel cared for in everyday life is just as useful as a test score.

Is the love languages test free, and do I need to give my email?

The Counsellors New Zealand love languages test is free and does not ask for your name or email. Your answers are used once to show your results and are not saved.

How accurate is the love languages test?

The love languages test is a reflection tool, not a validated psychological measure. A 2024 research review found limited evidence for the love languages model, so treat your results as a starting point for conversation.

What is the difference between how I give love and how I receive it?

Many people give care in a different way from how they most like to receive it. This test measures receiving; the reflection questions in the giving and receiving section above can help you think about how you give.

Can my love language change over time?

Yes, what helps you feel cared for can shift with stress, health, life stage and circumstances. A new baby, a busy job or a period of grief can all change what matters most for a while.

What if my partner and I have different love languages?

Different love languages are common and do not mean a relationship cannot work. What usually helps is talking openly about what each person notices and values, and trying small changes.

Is there a love languages test for friends, whānau or children?

The statements in this test work for any close relationship, so you can think about a friend or whānau member as you answer. The test is written for adults; younger children often show what they value through behaviour rather than a questionnaire.

Do love languages work in every relationship?

Love languages can help in relationships where people feel safe and respected. They are not a fix for controlling or harmful behaviour.

Is the love languages theory backed by research?

Research support is limited. A 2024 review by Impett, Park and Muise found little evidence that people have one main love language or that matching languages improves relationships.

Who created the love languages and when?

Dr Gary Chapman introduced the five love languages in his book The Five Love Languages, first published in 1992.

What should I do if my results don’t feel right?

Trust your own experience over the score. Try the test again with a particular relationship in mind, or use the table of five love languages above to reflect on what helps you feel cared for.